Emotional Healing: Reconnecting with your Feelings & Emotions

When You Learned to Stop Feeling: Understanding Emotional Repression and How to Heal

I was living my life without realising I wasn’t really feeling.

I managed to work, spend time with others, laugh, and get through each day. But, deep down, I felt numb and disconnected from my thoughts, feelings and emotions, as though I was watching my life being lived, though I didn’t know why.

Back then, it seemed normal. Now I see it was a way to survive.

We don’t choose to repress our emotions. It’s something we learn over time.

What is emotional repression?

Emotional repression is when feelings are pushed down and blocked without us realising it. It’s not about choosing to avoid emotions, but about your nervous system deciding that feeling isn’t safe.

For many, this starts in childhood or during tough times, especially if emotions weren’t welcomed or accepted.

You might have learned:

• not to cry

• not to be angry

• not to need too much

• not to speak out

• not to feel at all

Back then, this response protected you. It helped you cope and get through what was happening.

But the ways we learn to survive don’t always help us in the long run.

Signs you might be emotionally repressed

Emotional repression doesn’t mean you never feel anything. It often appears slowly and quietly.

Some common signs include:

• feeling numb or disconnected from yourself

• struggling to identify or describe how you feel

• defaulting to “I’m fine” even when you’re not

• anxiety, overthinking, or emotional shutdown

• physical tension, fatigue, or unexplained aches

• emotional outbursts that feel out of proportion

These signs aren’t flaws or weaknesses. They’re messages from a nervous system that learned to protect itself.

Why does repressing emotions affect the body

Emotions don’t go away just because we stop feeling them.

When we hold in emotions for a long time, they can show up as stress, burnout, anxiety, problems in relationships, or even physical symptoms. The body holds onto what the mind couldn’t handle then.

That’s why healing isn’t only about changing how you think. It’s about making your body and nervous system feel safe, so emotions can come back at a pace that feels right for you.

Healing starts with safety, not force.

Emotional awareness begins with the body.

For many people, especially those who feel disconnected from their emotions, the body speaks first.

You might notice:

• tightness in your chest

• heaviness in your stomach

• a lump in your throat

• restlessness or tension

You don’t need to fix or analyse these feelings. They’re just signals from your body.

Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, a gentler question is:

“What might my body be trying to tell me?”

Being curious helps you feel safe, and that safety lets emotions come up naturally.

Permission to feel (without pressure)

One of the biggest fears around emotional healing is the idea that if you start feeling, you’ll lose control or be overwhelmed.

But feeling is not the same as reliving the past.

Feeling is not the same as falling apart.

Feeling is not the same as acting on emotions.

You can feel without fixing.

You can feel without explaining.

You can feel without having answers.

Healing doesn’t happen by forcing emotions away. It comes from letting them be there, gently and at your own pace.

Small steps towards emotional healing

You don’t have to face everything at once. In fact, trying to do too much at once can sometimes make things harder.

Healing happens through small, consistent practices, such as:

• daily emotional check-ins

• journaling without judgement

• noticing sensations in the body

• breathwork to calm the nervous system

• self-compassion instead of self-criticism

One honest moment of awareness can help more than trying to force a big breakthrough.

My journey (gentle personal section)

For years, I thought I just wasn’t very emotional. In truth, I had learned to disconnect because feeling didn’t feel safe when I was growing up.

Learning about emotional repression changed everything for me. It helped me see that I wasn’t broken, I was just protecting myself.

Healing didn’t mean I had to become someone new. It meant reconnecting with parts of myself that had been waiting to be heard.

If you’re ready to explore this gently

If any of this resonates, you don’t need to rush or commit to anything big.

See my Emotional Healing Workbook & Journal, written from lived experience