Childhood Abuse & Trauma: Support for Survivors
My Story
I was a victim of interfamilial abuse by a family member for over ten years. I share what I went through and how health professionals, especially my GP, often overlooked my symptoms in my memoir. I talk about how these experiences changed me as a child, shaping my personality, behaviours, and beliefs. I also describe the ways I learned to survive and my healing journey.
As a child, I gave up my happiness and childhood to protect my loved ones from pain. That’s why I called my book Sacrificial Girl.
When you go through abuse, you face both physical and mental effects, along with the behaviours and beliefs you develop as a child to survive. These coping skills help you get through the trauma, but they can cause problems later on. Over time, these beliefs can become rules and shape how you see the world.
As children, we are forced to keep secrets and lies, and we often believe the abuse is our fault. We feel guilty and worry that telling the truth will hurt those we care about. Later, this burden can show up as trust issues, guilt, and shame.
From Silence and Survival to Strength and Self-Reclamation
I was five years old when my life changed. Up until that point, I was a happy child. After my parents separated when I was eighteen months old, I lived with my mother and grandparents. I have warm memories of that time, singing, dancing, performing, and making people happy. I felt loved and safe. Everything shifted when my mum remarried. I began moving between homes, my grandparents’, my parents’, and my aunt and uncle’s. It was at my aunt and uncle’s house that the abuse began. I will never forget that day. It marked the start of a decade-long nightmare. The abuse became a terrible secret, and along with that became the blame, shame and guilt.
The Silence
Childhood sexual abuse not only affects the body, but it also alters identities and personalities.
The abuse transformed me from an outgoing, fun-loving child into one who tried to stay in the background, quiet and invisible. I stopped drawing attention to myself. I learned to stay quiet. I learned to scan the room for danger. I learned to survive.
At the same time as the abuse was happening, my stepfather’s alcoholism created chaos at home. His drinking led to volatility, job loss, financial instability, arguments, and emotional abuse. My mother worked multiple jobs to keep food on the table.
Every day, I never knew what I was walking into, what lay ahead, the stress, anxiety and tension all taking their toll, mentally and physically.
With all the secrets and lies came responsibility. I felt I had to protect everyone else from more pain.
I couldn’t bear the thought of my mother breaking under more pressure on top of my stepfather's behaviour. I couldn’t bear my aunt or cousin being devastated if the truth came out about my uncle. I didn’t know if everyone would blame me for speaking out, or wish I would just be quiet and stop being a pain. So I chose to carry the burden myself.
That is why I later called my memoir Sacrificial Girl.
Children don’t stay silent because they don’t know better.
They stay silent to survive.
When Professionals Miss the Signs
The abuse affected me both mentally and physically. I suffered from frequent sores, blisters, water infections, migraine and was taken repeatedly to the GP.
Nothing was done; I was treated with creams and medicine. No one was helping me, my body screaming for help, and this just deepened the confusion, normalising the situation.
When abuse is normalised, the child begins to internalise responsibility.
Loss, Instability, and Self-Destruction
When I was eleven, my grandfather died suddenly. He had been my rock, my safe place. His death felt like losing the ground beneath me. I felt alone in a way I cannot fully describe. I realised no one was going to be able to save me from this nightmare.
The instability at home and the continued abuse began to show externally. I struggled at school. I began drinking to numb the pain. I sought out excitement to replace sadness, but that excitement often spiralled into danger.
When you believe you are already damaged, you stop protecting yourself.
I gave in to the inevitable that this was my life, I was beaten, I welcomed danger, hoping one day something would happen to me to end the nightmare.
Becoming a Mother at 19 – A Turning Point
At nineteen, I became a mother. That moment changed everything.
For the first time, my survival instinct turned into purpose. I knew I did not want this world for my children. I now had a different responsibility; I needed to survive for him, and I needed to break the cycle.
I left the area where I grew up. I found work. I built financial independence. I exposed myself to different environments and different mindsets. I began to imagine a future beyond survival.
And then I made the most difficult decision of my life: I chose to confront my trauma.
Who This Page Is For
This support section is for:
Adults processing childhood sexual abuse
Survivors struggling with shame or guilt
Individuals experiencing emotional numbness
Those with trust or intimacy difficulties
People rebuilding self-worth after trauma
Survivors who feel exhausted by survival mode
Important Note
This page is written from lived experience and informed by trauma-aware coaching training. It is designed to offer reflection, practical insight, and supportive guidance.
It is not medical, legal, or therapeutic advice and should not replace support from a qualified healthcare professional, therapist, or specialist.
If you are in immediate crisis, experiencing overwhelming distress, or feel unsafe, please contact a qualified mental health professional or emergency service. You can find details in the Professional & Crisis Support section opposite.
This content offers lived insight and trauma-informed perspective, but it is not a substitute for personalised clinical care.
Childhood Abuse Support: Trauma, Healing & Recovery
-
Living with abuse and instability shaped core beliefs that would follow me into adulthood.
Common patterns for survivors include:
Making yourself invisible
Prioritising others’ needs over your own
Suppressing emotions
Dissociating or “leaving your body”
Feeling responsible for other people’s happiness
Chronic anxiety and hypervigilance
Shame and guilt that does not belong to you
Confusion around sexuality and boundaries
Distrust of intimacy
Low self-worth
These are not personality flaws.
They are trauma adaptations.
When a child cannot escape, the nervous system adapts. These coping mechanisms are intelligent survival responses. But what protects a child can later restrict an adult.
Survival mode becomes identity.
-
One of the most confusing aspects of childhood sexual abuse is how trauma lives in the body long after the events have ended.
As a child, I learned to leave my body when things became overwhelming. Dissociation became automatic. It was not something I consciously chose, it was a survival mechanism, a way to escape, to numb the feelings. When escape is not physically possible, the nervous system creates distance psychologically.
Many survivors experience:
Physical tension without understanding why
Digestive issues or chronic illness
Headaches or unexplained symptoms
Emotional numbness
A constant underlying sense of threat
Trauma is not just a memory. It is a nervous system pattern.
For years, I did not understand why I felt exhausted all the time. Why I struggled to relax. Why I couldn’t sleep? Why silence sometimes felt louder than noise. Why did my body react before my mind had caught up?
-
I sought help through volunteer groups and therapy. I had very little success in the beginning as they focused on the events rather than the effects, and I couldn’t heal the trauma until I had healed how I treated myself, what I thought about myself, until I understood myself, I don’t think I thought I was even worthy of healing and I definitely didn’t treat myself with compassion.
I decided that in order to heal the trauma I first had to heal my relationship with myself, feel worthy of healing and living I life I deserved.
Some of the key steps included:
Self-awareness
Understanding my triggers and behavioural patterns.
Identifying the beliefs formed in trauma and questioning them.
Self-compassion
Replacing self-blame with understanding.
Emotional regulation
Learning to sit with difficult feelings without avoidance.
Building boundaries
Saying no without guilt.
Reclaiming identity
Exploring who I was outside of trauma.
-
One of the deepest wounds of childhood abuse is misplaced guilt.
Children believe they are responsible.
I believed:
I should have stopped it.
I should have told someone.
I should have known better.
Children do not have adult power.
Yet many survivors carry guilt into adulthood as if it were fact.
Let me be clear:
The responsibility always lies with the abuser.
Part of my healing journey involved actively separating responsibility from shame. I had to repeatedly remind myself that my silence was not weakness, it was protection.
Believe me the guilt did not disappear overnight. It softened gradually as I replaced self-criticism with self-compassion.
-
In my personal opinion I believe that one of the most overlooked aspects of trauma recovery is self-worth. Many times through therapy, I would be trying to heal, but end up self-sabotaging.
“Why can’t I complete the exercises they are giving me”
“I’m doing this wrong”
“I will never get better”
“This is pointless you are broken”
This hindered the work we were trying to do.
Self-esteem begins forming from birth. Abuse distorts that foundation.
Survivors often internalise beliefs and undoing those beliefs requires:
Self-awareness
Emotional processing
Nervous system regulation
Boundary work
Reclaiming identity
Developing self-compassion
This is why much of my work now focuses on:
Shame and guilt processing
Emotional numbness
Self-awareness
Self-compassion
Core belief reconstruction
Trauma-informed journalling
Through my blogs, guided journals, workbooks, and structured courses, I provide practical tools grounded in lived experience.
Not theory.
Not surface-level motivation.
But structured inner work.
-
Childhood sexual abuse affects how we relate to others.
For many survivors, intimacy feels dangerous.
You may experience:
Difficulty trusting
Fear of vulnerability
Over-functioning in relationships
Avoidance of conflict
Fear of abandonment
Or merging identities to feel safe
I had to consciously learn:
That boundaries are not rejection
That my needs are not selfish
That healthy love does not require self-sacrifice
Being married for 27 years did not happen because trauma vanished. It happened because I committed to growth.
I learned to communicate. To stay present. To recognise when old patterns were trying to reappear.
Healing does not remove triggers. It strengthens your response to them.
-
When I became a mother, I knew instinctively that I wanted something different for my children.
Breaking generational trauma requires awareness.
It requires noticing:
When fear is speaking instead of reason
When control is masking anxiety
When silence is easier than honesty
Supporting my daughter through anorexia was one of the most challenging periods of my life. Watching your child suffer triggers every protective instinct you have. It forced me to remain grounded even when everything felt unstable.
My own healing work allowed me to approach what was happening with resilience rather than collapse or try to hide from it and leave it to the experts.
That is the long-term value of doing the inner work.
You do not just heal for yourself.
You heal for the generations after you.
-
There is a difference between resilience and post-traumatic growth.
Resilience is surviving.
Post-traumatic growth is integrating experience and building strength from it.
I do not romanticise trauma.
But I acknowledge that confronting it made me:
More self-aware
More compassionate
More emotionally intelligent
More purposeful
It also made me unwilling to tolerate surface-level living.
My mission now is to reduce shame and silence around trauma.
Not to relive pain, but to transform it into meaning.
-
Breaking the silence is not a single moment. It is a process.
For many years, I kept everything contained. When I finally chose to speak, it was not explosive. It was careful. Measured. Layered.
Telling the truth does not always mean public disclosure.
It may mean:
Admitting to yourself what happened
Writing it down
Telling one trusted person
Speaking in therapy
Or sharing publicly when ready
Writing my memoir was one of the most transformative stages of my healing. It allowed me to place events into narrative form rather than fragmented memory. It helped me process the memories chapter by chapter, rather than surface level.
But telling the truth must feel safe. It should never be forced. Each survivor’s timeline is different.
-
Can you ever fully heal from childhood sexual abuse?
Healing does not mean erasing memory. It means not being controlled by it. Triggers may still arise, but they no longer dominate identity.
Why do survivors struggle with self-worth?
Because abuse distorts early belief formation. A child internalises responsibility for what they cannot control. Rebuilding self-worth requires active belief restructuring.
Is journaling helpful for trauma recovery?
For many people, structured guided writing helps organise fragmented memory and identify patterns. It should be approached gently and, if necessary, alongside professional support.
When should I seek professional help?
If you are experiencing flashbacks, severe anxiety, depression, self-harm thoughts, or overwhelming distress, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional or emergency service in your area. (see details below in the important note section)
Is it normal to feel numb?
Yes. Emotional numbness is a common trauma response. It is not a failure. It is protection. Gradual reconnection to emotion is possible.
-
Immediate Crisis Support
Emergency Services – UK
If you are in immediate danger or at risk of harm, call 999.
NHS 111 – Mental Health Support
For urgent mental health support or if you’re unsure what to do next, dial 111 and choose Option 2 for mental health help.
24/7 Emotional Support & Suicide Prevention
Samaritans – Free, confidential support on difficult days or if you feel at risk of suicide.
📞 116 123 (UK & Ireland) – 24/7 helpline
Website: samaritans.org
SHOUT – Free 24/7 text support if you’re struggling to cope.
Text SHOUT to 85258 and start chatting with a trained volunteer.
Support Specifically for Children & Young People
Childline – Free counselling and support for under-18s.
📞 0800 1111 – 24/7 confidential helpline
Childline also offers online chat and email support for young people.
YoungMinds – Mental health support, guidance, and crisis information for young people and parents. Visit youngminds.org.uk for resources and support options.
Specialist Support for Sexual Abuse & Trauma
Rape Crisis England & Wales – Nationwide network of sexual violence support services.
📞 0808 500 2222 – 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line
Offers free online chat and emotional support for people affected by rape, sexual assault or abuse (any time in life).
The Survivors Trust – Umbrella organisation supporting survivors of sexual violence through specialist member agencies across the UK and Ireland. Visit thesurvivorstrust.org for details of services near you.
Survivors UK – Support and counselling for male survivors of rape, sexual abuse, and sexual violence. Visit survivorsuk.org.
Stop It Now – Confidential helpline focused on preventing child sexual abuse and supporting those affected.
📞 0808 1000 900
General Victim & Trauma Support
Victim Support – Independent charity offering practical and emotional help to victims of crime across England and Wales.
Visit victimsupport.org.uk or call for support.
NSPCC – Leading child protection charity for anyone affected by child abuse or neglect.
📞 0808 800 5000 – NSPCC support line.
Building a Life Beyond Survival
Today, at 55, I have built an extraordinary life.
My career took me across Europe and America. I rose to director-level positions in male-dominated industries. I married my soulmate, and we have built a 27-year marriage. We raised three children.
But life continued to test my resilience.
We endured the grief of a stillbirth. I supported my daughter through a life-threatening bleeding disorder and later through anorexia and suicide attempts. I survived an attempted rape attack at knifepoint. I faced cancer and surgical menopause.
Trauma did not stop.
But the work I had done meant I was no longer shattered by it.
Resilience is not the absence of adversity.
It is the ability to remain intact during it.
A Final Word: You Are Not What Happened to You
Your past does not need to define you, you can decide how you shape your future.
My life is proof that healing is possible.
Not because it was easy.
Not because trauma disappeared.
But because I chose to confront it.
“You are not what happened to you; you are what you choose to become.”
Tomorrow is yet to be written.
And your story does not end where your trauma began.
“If this page spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you. You don’t have to do this alone.” Contact Me
Continue Reading: Related Articles
If you’d like to explore specific aspects of healing in more depth, I’ve written blog posts that expand on topics such as self-acceptance, awareness and change.
Blog Self-Awareness Blog Self-Acceptance Blog Change & Transformation Blog Emotional Healing Blog Building Self-Worth Blog Shame & Guilt
The free resources page has a self-compassion guide. Download Here
Practical Tools to Support Your Healing
If you’re ready to move beyond understanding and begin actively healing, I’ve created trauma-informed workbooks and guided journals to help you start or continue your healing journey. Available in both digital and physical copies.
For more in-depth, structured learning, explore my growing range of trauma-informed courses designed to support long-term healing and self-development.