I was sexually abused by a family member for over ten years. In my book, I share what I went through and how health professionals, especially my GP, often overlooked my symptoms. I talk about how these experiences changed me as a child, shaping my personality, behaviours, and beliefs. I also describe the ways I learned to survive and my healing journey.
As a child, I gave up my happiness and childhood to protect my loved ones from pain. That’s why I called my book Sacrificial Girl.
When you go through abuse, you face both physical and mental effects, along with the behaviours and beliefs you develop as a child to survive. These coping skills help you get through the trauma, but they can cause problems later on. Over time, these beliefs can become rules and shape how you see the world.
As children, we are forced to keep secrets and lies, and we often believe the abuse is our fault. We feel guilty and worry that telling the truth will hurt those we care about. Later, this burden can show up as trust issues, guilt, and shame.
For me, the hardest part of these behaviours was how exhausting they were, both mentally and physically, and how much they hurt my body and mind. These traits can last a long time, but the sooner we become aware of them and understand where they come from, the easier it is to manage and cope.
You don’t have to carry the weight of fear, shame, blame, guilt, or regret. Your trauma does not define you. Find your voice, let go of blame and shame, and start to heal. Take back your power and shape your future. The quote is, “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.” I have it tattooed on my arm to remind me to stay true to myself.
Healing is a journey. Try to find balance, take care of yourself, and hold on to the joy of living. You deserve to live your best life.
Sexual Abuse & Childhood Trauma
Below are some of the behaviours and core beliefs we have as abuse survivors:
To put other people’s needs first.
To make yourself invisible.
To blot out memories.
To not draw attention to yourself.
To merge with the identities of others.
To hide your true self.
To leave your body.
To internalise anger, transforming it into fear and guilt.
To cut off from fear, sadness, and self-love.
To doubt yourself.
To avoid intimacy.
To disconnect from and distrust your sexuality and sexual boundaries.
To put yourself down, devaluing your life and achievements.
To act out of self-hatred and desire to destroy yourself.
To live in chaos, seeking perfect control, too afraid to act, fearing you would experience total powerlessness.
To see life as a series of cries to be got through, to see pleasure as guilt-ridden, unreal or untrustworthy.
Remember, we are living what we learn until we decide not to and change.
In the Free Resources Section, you will find help on healing. There are worksheets and information on shame and guilt, feeling emotionally numb, self-awareness, and building your self-esteem and self-compassion.
Your self-esteem starts to develop from birth. Babies don’t see themselves as good or bad. Children learn their worth from a very young age.
I believe this subject is often overlooked when dealing with mental health awareness. It is one of the first areas I addressed, and I believe it holds the foundations for starting your healing journey and building a better version of yourself.
When you face and work through old emotions, you start to understand yourself better. This helps you question and change harmful beliefs and behaviours, and begin to heal.
