Supporting a Child with Anorexia or Bulimia

Eating disorders are complicated because they affect both the body and the mind. People with these conditions may resist help, and sometimes even professionals do not have all the answers. Practical advice can be hard to find. That’s why it helps to learn as much as you can early on to better understand what you are facing.

Anorexia and bulimia are more than eating problems; they are serious mental health conditions. The damage to the body is only part of it. Not getting enough food can affect how the brain works and lead to major mental health struggles. These illnesses can take over someone’s life, leaving them tired both physically and mentally. Treating only the physical symptoms is not enough; the mental side needs care too. Sadly, the mental strain can be so severe that some people may think about ending their own lives.

Eating disorders can cause hidden damage that lasts even after someone appears to recover. When the body does not get enough nutrients, organs like the heart can become weaker. I read about someone who had recovered but sadly died of a heart attack years later. This shows why it is important to keep checking on people’s health, even after they seem better.

Both their physical and mental health need to be watched to help prevent future

problems.

Anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa are not simply “eating problems.”

They are serious mental health disorders that affect:

• Brain function

• Mood regulation

• Hormones

• Organ health

• Identity and self-worth

When someone is malnourished, their brain does not function normally. Starvation alters thinking patterns. It increases anxiety, rigidity, obsessive thoughts, and emotional instability.

Treating only the physical symptoms is not enough.

Weight restoration is important, but without addressing the psychological aspect, the illness can persist beneath the surface.

Some important realities I learned:

• Malnutrition affects the heart, brain and organs.

• Even after weight restoration, long-term monitoring is important.

• The illness often lies.

• Secrecy is part of the disorder.

• Shame keeps it hidden.

This is not a phase.

It is not attention-seeking.

It is not vanity.

It is a mental health crisis.

Eating disorders can make people feel very alone, even from family and friends who want to help. The illness can feel like their only friend, making it hard to trust others. Sometimes, your child may seem like a stranger, but it’s important not to let them drift away. Isolation only makes things worse. Staying involved and keeping routines as normal as possible can help them feel less alone and more supported.

I tried to stay calm and patient, avoiding arguments that might make her feel more alone. Instead, I left notes to show my love and support, reminding her that we were always there for her and wanted her to get better.

I did my best to keep our routine as normal as possible, included her in our plans, and encouraged her to join activities she used to enjoy.

One of the toughest parts of this journey was dealing with the GP and mental health services. Because she was only 16, they wouldn’t share any information with us due to patient confidentiality. We had no idea if she was going to her appointments or how she was really doing.

The only advice we received was to encourage her to eat and to call an ambulance if we thought she was in immediate danger. No one ever asked us, as her parents, how she was really doing. So, I decided to take action to make sure the professionals had the full picture, not just what she told them.

Don’t leave everything to the professionals. Here are the steps I took to stay involved in her care.

Proactive GP Engagement:

I wrote a letter to the GP right away, explaining what was happening and asking for it to be kept on file. I handed it directly to the manager to make sure they got it. When I needed advice, I would call or make appointments and ask general questions instead of talking about my daughter specifically, so I could get around the confidentiality rules.

Monitoring:

Every week, I sent a detailed email to her caregivers about what was happening at home. I shared whether she was eating, any changes in her behaviour, and any new symptoms I noticed. I also reported if I found any tablets, signs of self-induced vomiting, or letters and drawings in her room. This way, her caregivers had a better understanding of her situation than just what she told them in sessions.

Persistence:

I often went to CAMHS in person and waited in the reception area until someone involved in her care could see me. When I met with them, I shared what was worrying me or what was going on with my daughter. I also joined several groups run by CAMHS, including a steering group that wasn’t just for eating disorders.

Being involved helped me connect with more people at CAMHS and gave me new ways to share my concerns.

Even though her condition was kept private and she felt isolated, I made sure the people she saw often or trusted from the past knew what was going on. This helped them watch out for her and notice any worrying changes.

Involve key people:

I told friends, family, and teachers about her condition and shared information about symptoms and risks. I explained what signs to watch for and when to get emergency help, and I kept everyone updated. Engage with professionals: Stay in regular contact with healthcare providers. Join support groups, talk to other families, read helpful books, and keep helpline numbers handy. You know your child best, and your understanding of their needs is important for their care. Sometimes professionals may say to leave everything to them, but in my experience, this caused problems and made things harder for us. It takes courage, but always speak up for your child.

You can’t watch your child all the time or always know how they feel, so it’s important to make their environment as safe as possible.

Safety First:

Take out anything in your home that could be harmful, like medications and harmful substances. Keep emergency numbers visible.

Promote hope and recovery:

Share stories of people who have recovered and leave positive books or articles in your child’s room. Remind them that recovery is possible and support is always available. I used to leave notes, small gifts she liked, and sometimes sent random texts or emails.

Supporting a child with anorexia or bulimia is exhausting.

You may experience:

• Sleep deprivation

• Anxiety

• Hypervigilance

• Relationship strain

• Guilt

• Fear of making the wrong decision

You may question:

“Did I cause this?”

“Did I miss the signs?”

“Am I strong enough?”

Eating disorders are complex. They are influenced by genetics, personality traits, psychological factors, and environmental stressors.

Blame does not heal.

Support does.

Parents need support too.Item description

IRecovery is rarely linear.

There may be:

• Setbacks

• Weight fluctuations

• Emotional regressions

• Resistance to treatment

Relapse does not mean failure.

It means the illness is still active.

Long-term recovery requires:

• Ongoing mental health support

• Regular medical monitoring

• Family awareness

• Open communication

• Patience

Even after physical recovery, mental recovery continues.tem description

Is anorexia or bulimia just about food?

No. Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions involving distorted thinking, emotional distress, and physical risk.

Should I force my child to eat?

Medical guidance is essential. In severe cases, hospitalisation may be necessary. Consult healthcare professionals immediately if you are concerned.

Why does my child seem angry at me?

The illness may perceive you as a threat. Eating disorders often resist intervention.

Is recovery possible?

Yes. With proper medical, psychological, and family support, recovery is possible.

What if my child refuses help?

Seek professional advice urgently. Early intervention improves outcomes.

Are eating disorders life-threatening?

Yes. They carry serious physical risks, including heart complications and suicide risk.

If your child is in immediate danger, call 999.

For urgent mental health advice, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option.

Beat Eating Disorders (UK)

Youthline: 0808 801 0711

Helpline: 0808 801 0677

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Childline (Under 18s)

0800 1111

Samaritans

116 123 (24/7)

CAMHS – Speak to your GP for urgent referral.Item description