Abuse is not just physical. It can leave lasting effects on your mind and body.

In my book, I share how my family’s life centered around my stepdad and his addiction. Every choice we made put his needs first, and his actions controlled our daily lives. I remember coming home from school, never knowing what to expect, and how holidays like Christmas were often ruined by arguments caused by drinking. I talk about the events, secrets, and lies that shaped who I became, and how I eventually found the strength to heal.

When I was growing up, I lived with my mum and stepdad. My stepdad struggled with alcoholism, and his moods could change without warning. He would have violent outbursts, argue often, and put people down. His addiction made him seek attention and show little care for others. He relied on my mum for everything and acted like no one else mattered.

The constant arguments and sudden outbursts made our home feel unsafe. We never knew when his mood would shift. Living in fear and feeling powerless was especially tough during my teenage years.

We never got to have a say. To him, we were always wrong and never good enough. My mum spent her life focused on him, handling all the ups and downs, and always worrying about whether we’d have enough money.

You learned to stay out of sight and keep your thoughts to yourself, just to avoid making him angry.

Years of mental abuse can change who you are, forcing you to adapt just to get by.

The pain from these experiences doesn’t end when the abuse stops. The effects can last for years, and the invisible scars and daily struggles are constant reminders.

As I began to heal, I realised just how much the sexual and mental abuse had affected me. Many of the ways I coped as a child stayed with me into adulthood, even when they stopped helping. Facing those old feelings helped me understand myself better and start changing the beliefs and habits that were hurting me.

I still try to stay organized and in control. It often feels like I’m always waiting for something bad to happen, so I need to be ready. That feeling never really goes away. I keep myself busy to feel prepared, but then I just find more things to do. It’s exhausting. This comes from always trying to hold things together as a child, never knowing when everything might fall apart.

We keep living the way we were taught until we choose to change. Some habits, especially emotional and psychological ones, can last a lifetime. The sooner we notice them and understand where they come from, the easier they are to manage. As kids, we learn how to cope and connect with others, usually from our family or carers. The people around us shape how we build relationships.

I grieve for the life I lived but didn’t really feel. It was like reading about it or watching it on TV. I was just observing, not living. When people asked how I felt at certain places or events, I’d just say, “Nice.” Everything felt the same, whether good or bad. I was numb. Our emotional development starts very early, and mine was damaged when I was young. I was always too scared to feel happy or joyful, as if I’d be punished for it. I learned to stay silent, not make a sound, not be noticed, and to become invisible.

In the self-help section, you’ll find resources to help you heal. There are worksheets, information about emotional numbness, self-awareness, and ways to build self-esteem and self-compassion.

Self-esteem starts to develop from birth. Babies don’t judge themselves as good or bad, but children quickly learn their own value from a young age.

I think this topic is often overlooked when talking about mental health. It was one of the first things I worked on, and I believe it’s the foundation for starting your healing journey and building a better version of yourself.