Gaslighting Examples in Relationships: Signs You’re Being Manipulated
Andrea Bevan
About the Author
Andrea Bevan is a trauma-informed coach, author of Sacrificial Girl, and founder of What Life Throws At You.
With both professional training and personal experience, I help people heal from trauma, rebuild their self-worth, and move from just surviving to living with strength and growth.
My work is about building self-awareness, acceptance, and emotional healing, and helping people reconnect with themselves in a safe, supportive space.
My Story
For a long time, I thought I was the problem.
I questioned my reactions.
My emotions.
My memory.
I often walked away from conversations feeling confused, guilty, or emotionally drained.
Somehow, things always became my fault.
Even when deep down, something didn’t feel right.
Growing up with alcoholism, unpredictable emotions, and controlling behavior made me doubt myself from a young age. My stepdad’s moods could change quickly. Arguments, criticism, tension, silence, and instability became my everyday life.
You stop trusting your own feelings when you grow up in chaos.
You learn to stay quiet.
To avoid conflict.
To overthink every interaction.
To question yourself before questioning someone else.
I didn’t realise until much later how much this affected the relationships I accepted and the way I saw myself.
Gaslighting often happens in places where people already struggle to trust themselves.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a type of emotional manipulation that makes you doubt your memory, feelings, and sense of reality.
It often happens gradually.
At first, you may simply feel confused.
But over time, repeated manipulation can make you stop trusting yourself completely.
Gaslighting commonly appears in:
narcissistic abuse
emotionally abusive relationships
coercive control
toxic family systems
The goal of gaslighting is often control.
When someone makes you doubt yourself, it’s easier for them to avoid taking responsibility and keep control in the relationship.
You can read more about emotional manipulation, narcissistic abuse, and healing on my Narcissistic Abuse Support Page.
Common Gaslighting Examples in Relationships
Gaslighting is sometimes subtle, so many people have trouble noticing it.
Here are some common examples of gaslighting in relationships.
1. “That Never Happened”
You clearly remember something being said or done.
But they deny it completely.
Over time, this can make you question your memory and reality.
You may start wondering:
“Did I imagine it?”
2. “You’re Too Sensitive”
Instead of acknowledging your feelings, your emotions become the problem.
You may hear:
“You’re overreacting.”
“You take everything personally.”
“You’re too emotional.”
This takes the focus off their actions and puts it on how you react.
3. Turning Things Back Onto You
You try to explain that something hurt you.
But somehow, the conversation becomes about what you did wrong instead.
You end up apologising for being upset.
This leaves you feeling confused and doubting yourself.
4. Rewriting Conversations
What you remember and what they claim happened never seem to match.
They may insist:
“That’s not what I said.”
“You misunderstood me.”
“You always twist things.”
Over time, you stop trusting how you remember things.
5. Making You Feel “Crazy”
Gaslighting often leaves people feeling emotionally unstable.
Not because they are “crazy,” but because they are constantly being made to question themselves.
You may feel:
emotionally exhausted
confused
anxious
unable to think clearly
These feelings are a normal reaction to emotional manipulation.
6. Silent Treatment and Emotional Withdrawal
Affection, attention, or communication may suddenly disappear.
This is often used as punishment or control.
Not knowing what will happen next makes you anxious and keeps you trying to fix things.
7. Minimising Your Feelings
You may hear:
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
“You need to let things go.”
This makes you start ignoring your own feelings.
How Gaslighting Affects You
Gaslighting slowly breaks down your ability to trust yourself.
Over time, you may begin to experience:
anxiety
hypervigilance
emotional numbness
people-pleasing
over-explaining
fear of conflict
self-blame
difficulty making decisions
I still notice some of these patterns in myself.
I stay busy.
I prepare for everything.
I often feel like I’m waiting for something to go wrong.
These reactions didn’t just appear out of nowhere.
They developed after years of emotional ups and downs and learning to cope in unstable situations.
Why Many Survivors Miss the Signs
One of the hardest things about gaslighting is that it rarely starts in an obvious way.
It happens gradually.
If you grew up doubting yourself, putting up with emotional ups and downs, or always putting others first, manipulation can feel normal.
Children raised around emotional abuse often learn:
to stay quiet
to avoid conflict
to suppress emotions
to keep the peace at all costs
These habits can follow you into adulthood.
You might accept harmful behaviours as normal just because they feel familiar.
Rebuilding Self-Trust After Gaslighting
A big part of healing is learning to trust yourself again.
That means:
listening to your intuition
validating your feelings
honouring your experiences
recognising manipulation patterns
setting boundaries without guilt
Healing takes time.
But awareness is the beginning.
You may also find these helpful:
Both look at how emotional abuse can impact your self-worth, relationships, and sense of safety.
Boundaries After Emotional Manipulation
Many survivors find boundaries hard because they once felt unsafe setting them.
Speaking up may have led to:
conflict
criticism
rejection
emotional withdrawal
But boundaries are not meant to punish anyone.
They are there to protect you.
Sometimes boundaries sound like:
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I need space.”
“No.”
“I’m not comfortable with that.”
Setting small boundaries helps you rebuild trust in yourself over time.
A Gentle Reminder
If you have experienced gaslighting, there is nothing wrong with you.
Feeling confused was part of how you were manipulated.
You were taught to question yourself rather than trust what you felt.
That does not make you weak.
It means you did what you needed to survive.
Final Words
Gaslighting can make you feel cut off from yourself, worn out, and unsure about what’s real.
But healing is possible.
Once you start to see the pattern, you can begin to take back your voice, your self-trust, and your sense of reality.
You do not have to stay trapped in confusion.
You have the right to trust yourself again.
You Are Not Alone
If this spoke to you, remember you don’t have to face it alone. I welcome your story, thoughts, or questions.
Start Rebuilding Your Self-Trust
If you’re starting to notice these patterns, you don’t have to work through them by yourself.
Download my free guide:
Rebuilding Trust After Abuse
This guide is here to help you reconnect with yourself, understand emotional manipulation, and start rebuilding your sense of safety and self-worth.
Support & Next Steps
If you are ready to go deeper, you can explore:
These resources are made to help you rebuild your self-worth, feel safer emotionally, gain confidence, and create healthier relationships after trauma and emotional abuse.